Secondary Infertility: 7 ways to help change your feelings after pregnancy announcements

Secondary Infertility Sucks.


Infertility in general can causes so many emotions, especially in this digital age when it sometimes feels like you are having pregnancy rubbed in your face at every turn. I know first-hand that thoughts can turn quickly from happiness and gratitude in what you have at this moment to one of sadness at not being able to have another child.


It’s not about the other person or wishing anything but a healthy pregnancy to them, it’s about you. You feel like everyone is getting pregnant and you are missing a trick to it. You start to wonder what you are doing wrong, what you may have done differently the first time around that you aren’t doing now. If you should be doing somersaults or headstands and that will somehow make your body work right. It seems like something that is so close, yet always just out of your reach.


Instant Reactions to Pregnancy Announcements in the Media


Let’s be real here when you first hear huge pregnancy announcement in the media your first thought may be “Not another one”, or “Here we go again” or a range of other instant responses as it feels like your gut is being wrenched out of your body through the smallest hole. I admit myself to rolling my eyes and thinking about hiding away for the next 2 years so that I don’t have to hear anymore about it.


It feels like your gut is being wrenched out of your body through the smallest holeClick To Tweet


It takes its toll


You can get back to your usual routine and stop feeling unhappy with your own body failing to do what you feel like you should be able to. We all know how it feels beat yourself up after every single baby announcement. I did for years and sometimes all those feelings rush back. I have a way to get back to my usual happy self a lot quicker though and you can do it too.

Years and years of infertility and watching people get pregnant time and time again took a huge toll on me for a long time and I think that anybody who tells you different is lying to you and possibly themselves. Perhaps they don’t want to admit it because you sometimes get those people who tell you that you are wrong for feeling whatever way you do. Let me tell you, you are not wrong, in no way, shape or form. You are fully entitled to feel any way you feel.


Infertility is such a hard thing to go through and everybody deals with it differently.Click To Tweet


How I felt after the latest pregnancy announcements


Let’s talk about the latest huge pregnancy announcement first and how I initially felt and I will tell you how I changed that and you can put into place the steps I took to change it for yourself too. These tools will help you time and time again.

You get up in the morning and you do your usual routine and you are happy and looking forward to another day. From the moment you log onto Facebook and you see post after post about the latest huge pregnancy announcement and your whole day is ruined in an instant.  Perhaps your gut reaction is like mine and you roll your eyes and think about hiding away from the world and you try to go about your day, but the damage has already been done.

Crying because your body doesn't work right and for what you could have had, not because of jealousyYou sit and you feel the tears forming, the self-hate because you can’t be announcing your own pregnancy. You feel down and you just want to curl up in a ball and hide and not come out again. The feelings just don’t seem to go away. Every single time you open up Facebook you see yet more people sharing posts about the latest pregnancy announcement that you just don’t want to hear about.

You are in a place that is just after the full moon and emotions are usually high around a full moon for many people, you are coming to the end of the current cycle and you know your period is just around the corner. The emotions are high around those two things too, so it just amplifies the emotions you are currently feeling about yourself after the latest announcement.



7 Ways to help change your feelings with secondary infertility.

This is what I did

I took myself away from it all. I know it sounds simple, but you can do it.

1. I hid all the newspapers and articles about the current announcement from my news feed. Goodbye Daily Mail I won’t miss seeing you in my news feed.

2. I forgot about my to-do list and focused on me. Do something nice for yourself, sit and read a good book that takes you away to another world. Play that online game that you love and don’t have much time for these days. However that looks for you, do it.

3. Be kind to yourself. Every single time you hear a negative word in your head, any self-hate or whatever I want you to look in the mirror and say something nice about yourself.

4. Focus. You need to focus on what you are doing. Every time your mind wanders to the news, stop it and focus on something else., anything else. Don’t let it enter your head and stay there, it will only make you feel bad.

5. Focus on your child or children if you have any. Focus on making them happy, play with them, do something silly with them.

6. Music. Put some music on, something uplifting positive that makes you happy and want to sing and dance.

7. Journal. Sit down and writing everything you can think that you are grateful for today. Write everything you love about yourself and your life. Write about all the things that have gone right today, things that worked well.


If you can think of anything else that will stop you from focusing on the news, do that too. If you focus on the news and any negative self-talk it will make you feel worse. The sadness, etc. will last longer and it will be harder to pull yourself out of it.


You can choose how you feel and what you think about.


You can choose what you think about, how you feel. Choose happiness and do the steps to help you and you will feel better. I’m not saying it will be permanent, or work straight away, but keep doing these things and you feel a shift.

It’s a constant thing that needs to work on, you deserve to be kinder to yourself. It isn’t your fault or anyone else’s fault.


Thank you for reading
Please let me know in the comments if I helped you at all.
Love and Light
Sarah Tilsley

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